Have you ever stopped to wonder why you make certain financial decisions? Why you’re quick to save but struggle to spend on yourself, or why money always seems to slip through your fingers? The answers often lie in the past—in the financial lessons (or lack thereof) we absorbed during childhood.

For many women balancing corporate careers, family responsibilities, and personal goals, these early experiences can quietly shape your relationship with money in ways you might not even realise. The good news? While your childhood may have written the first draft of your financial story, you hold the pen to rewrite it.

The Blueprint of Childhood Money Messages

From the moment we’re old enough to understand the value of a R5 coin, we begin forming beliefs about money. These beliefs come from:

• Family Dynamics: How your parents or caregivers talked about and handled money.
• Cultural Norms: The expectations and values surrounding money within your community.
• Life Experiences: Moments of abundance or scarcity, and how they made you feel.

Whether intentional or unintentional, these early messages become the foundation for your adult money habits.

Common Childhood Money Scripts

Let’s look at some common childhood money scripts and how they might play out in adulthood:

1. “We can’t afford that.”

   • Impact: Growing up with scarcity might make you overly frugal or anxious about spending, even when you have enough.
   • Rewrite: Focus on abundance. Instead of “I can’t afford this,” try, “I’m choosing to spend my money on something else.”

2. “Money is for grown-ups.”

   • Impact: If you were kept out of financial discussions, you might feel ill-equipped to manage money as an adult.
   • Rewrite: Educate yourself. Financial literacy is a skill you can build at any age.

3. “Success means having the best.”

   • Impact: Being taught to equate worth with possessions can lead to overspending or chasing status symbols.
   • Rewrite: Redefine success. Align your spending with your personal values, not society’s expectations.

4. “Giving is more important than keeping.”

   • Impact: While generosity is a virtue, always putting others first can leave you financially depleted.
   • Rewrite: Balance giving with self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

How to Identify Your Childhood Money Scripts

Understanding your current habits is the first step to rewriting your financial story. Reflect on these questions:

• What phrases or attitudes about money did you hear growing up?
• How did your family handle financial stress?
• Were you encouraged to save, spend, or share?
• How do you feel when you talk about money—anxious, confident, indifferent?

Journaling or discussing these questions with a trusted friend or coach can help you uncover the roots of your financial behaviours.

Rewriting the Script

Once you’ve identified the scripts that no longer serve you, it’s time to rewrite them. Here’s how:

1. Forgive the Past

It’s easy to feel frustrated when you realise how much your childhood shaped your financial habits. But remember, your parents or caregivers likely did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had. Acknowledge the past, then release it.

2. Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Whenever you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never be good with money,” or “I’ll always struggle,” pause. Replace those thoughts with affirmations like, “I’m learning to manage money with confidence,” or “I have the tools to create financial stability.”

3. Create New Habits

Practical steps can help you build healthier financial habits:

• Set up a budget that reflects your current priorities, not childhood fears.
• Start an emergency fund to ease anxiety about the future.
• Practice “conscious spending” by pausing to ask, “Does this align with my values?” before making purchases.

4. Seek Financial Education

If financial literacy wasn’t part of your upbringing, take charge now. Read books, listen to podcasts, or work with a coach to fill in the gaps. Knowledge is power—and it’s never too late to learn.

5. Redefine Success

Your definition of financial success doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Maybe it’s being debt-free, saving for your child’s education, or having the freedom to take a sabbatical. Whatever it is, let it reflect your authentic goals and values.

Embracing the South African Context

For South African women, rewriting the financial script often means balancing personal goals with family and cultural expectations. The concept of Ubuntu—“I am because we are”—teaches us to care for others, but it’s equally important to care for ourselves.

For example:

• If you’re supporting extended family, set boundaries that allow you to save for your future while still contributing meaningfully.
• If societal pressures make you feel “behind,” remind yourself that financial success is a journey, not a race.

Your Story, Your Way

Your childhood might have shaped your initial relationship with money, but it doesn’t have to define your future. By uncovering your scripts, challenging limiting beliefs, and adopting empowering habits, you can write a new story—one where you feel confident, capable, and in control of your finances.

So, take a deep breath, pick up the pen, and start drafting the next chapter of your financial journey. Because this time, you’re the author—and the possibilities are endless.